Long lost words

Daryl HattonFun, Humor

Someone on Facebook came up with a challenge to find out who knew the definitions of a bunch of words that have fallen out of use. I took it as an opportunity to actually use all of them in one short paragraph. Have fun reading them! I’m gobsmacked that you’d use this Facebook thingamajig to try to get me all bamboozled and discombobulated about some simple, common words. They aren’t gobbledygook to anyone with half a mind! Young whippersnappers like you always take me for a nincompoop and assume I don’t know how to use this computer thingamajig. Poppycock and …

English as a second language? It is hard enough as a first!

Daryl HattonHumor

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Read it aloud: Dearest creature in creation,Study English pronunciation.I will teach you in my verseSounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.I will keep you, Suzy, busy,Make your head with heat grow dizzy.Tear in eye, your dress will tear.So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard,Dies and diet, lord and word,Sword …

Ode to a Man, Obsessed

Daryl HattonHumor, Personal, Poetry

First Performed for my best friend Dave Mason In Front of Friends and Family On Robbie Burns Day January 25, 2003 We know not quite when this affliction first started, Our poor auld man Davie, his senses departed. At first it was hidden, that much must be true, For he married a lassie much like Nancy Drew. She watched and she tested, checked each little thing, Of the man she would marry (though she picked her own ring) Somehow he passed muster, each one of us fooled, Not then did we know, for Scotch how he drooled. It weighed on …

To Those of You Born 1930 – 1979

Daryl HattonHumor

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!!First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn’t get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads. As infants & children, we would ride …

West Coast Whisky Society Robbie Burns Toast to the Lassies

Daryl HattonHumor, Poetry, West Coast Whisky Society

Here is the Robbie Burns Dinner toast to the Lassies I penned for the West Coast Whisky Society… Old Rabbie Burns, a man ‘mongst men,Sure had his way with women,His wife, his maid, four girls (it’s true!),This many bore him children! And there was talk of many more,High and lo abou’ the country.‘Twas no matter, high or common,They’d fall, like night, for poetry. His suff’ring wife, the bonnie Jean,When asked how she survives,Responded slyly, patiently,“He should ha’ had twa wives.” What was special ‘bout this wee man,That made the women swoon?Perhaps he simply loved them more,From this, they weren’t immune. …

West Coast Whisky Society Founder’s Poem

Daryl HattonHumor, Poetry, West Coast Whisky Society

Here is the poem I penned to explain our (my) fondness for whisky… ‘Tis dark and cold when late at night,My feet begin to wander,And visit, shhhh!, my Secret Stash,Its treasures mine to plunder. A dram I crave, fine liquid gold,With flavours strong and subtle,Vanilla, fruit, nuts, smoke and peat,Pure magic in a bottle. The drink that warms me heart and soul,‘Tis aged rare Scotch Whisky,A vice so fine I can’t complain,Tho’ financially quite risky. Dilemma shows itself tonight,What selection shall I make?With so many fine expressions,From which will I partake? Tho’ whisky flows ‘cross all Scotland,Small Islay makes my …